The Submissive Wife

The Submissive Wife’s 20 Answers

What does instruction involve, exactly?

In theoretical terms, this question can’t be answered exactly, since this “instruction” involves every aspect of daily life. Moreover, a narrow answer isn’t possible because every woman’s needs are different. The basic, practical components of instruction, however, are a combination of accountability and obedience to a hierarchy of disciplines, with a commitment to complete honesty—and of course a desire to learn.

The instruction dwells on awareness, the nature of control, the virtues of discipline and guidance and the consequent pleasures of obedience. The goal is to embrace submission not as something we do or something we enjoy or something about which we fantasize, but as something we live because in living a life in submission we are made whole and strong and we give strength to those around us. In that sense, our view of instruction more closely resembles personal formation.

There is a section of this site devoted entirely to instruction. We highly recommend reading the information in that area of this site. The link is here. Be especially attentive to the linked cluster of pages concerning formation.

emands made on participants can vary enormously, depending on individual goals and capabilities. Most instruction begins with reflection, study and engagement with the project’s online forum community and subsequently proceeds to an understanding of very conventional disciplines involving vulnerability and accountability. Those women who wish for more extensive guidance should be prepared for more intensive, intrusive disciplines, for careful study and for monitored modification of their behavior and other intimate aspects of their daily lives.

Although our focus is submission, what is done here should not be confused with BDSM nor is it a Biblical approach to marital “surrender.” Our interest is broader. In this instruction, an understanding of sexual submission is seen as an effective way of understanding submission in other, equally interesting contexts. It should therefore be clear that this instruction is definitely not for every woman.

Participation is always active: This instruction is experiential. This is not a book club.

A follow up question: Why don't you make descriptive information about the program available on your web site.?

A participant replies: First and foremost, because we aren’t offering a program or anything else. The purpose of this site isn’t to recruit members. It’s to provide information.

For those who do enter the Project, however, exactly what it is depends on the needs and desires of each individual woman. Essentially what is offered is information in the context of a supportive community, i.e. an online support community (with offline components and activities) of adult women, each unique, each exploring her submissive instincts.

Women who decide to join the community make a commitment to post at least once every two weeks, and to protect the confidentiality of others in the community. That is really the basic level of involvement and commitment and for many members of the community that is the level of commitment which best suits them.

There are other resources available for those who desire them. These resources offer the possibility to explore submission through being accountable to disciplines at various levels of intensity. However anything of that sort is optional. Other than posting at least every two weeks and the meeting the community’s guidelines and privacy and confidentiality requirements (and being courteous to other members) there really are no requirements.

More specific information is not offered per se since each woman's needs vary, and even when two women follow a similar path and experience similar things, the effect on each of them is different. This is why there is no “course” described, as one might find for a college course or similar.

—cathy

Related site resources:

On Watchfulness. (Open access.)

On Instruction as Formation. (Open access)

d.t.: “my training started online, and mostly that’s where it has stayed. i would love to experience this in person, but it was interesting to me to see how this medium was used so effectively. All the things that i read from BDSM ‘experts’ about how online training is superficial, shallow and too easy all miss the point, i think. This has made me confront my issues. It has always been about what i was told it should be about: me.”

nelly: “[The project] guided me to where I am now (I know it is a shock but I am a ‘religious’)…”

thalia: “I knew [during a particular discipline] that what I was seeing was myself. It was the most powerful moment. I can’t describe what it did to me, but I am so thankful for the way I was guided.”

anne: “So, different strokes for different folks—as the saying goes. All instruction has the same underlying theme, but the nuances of each girl’s training can vary widely. i found that the training was not always easy and that just when i thought i had it, it progressed in difficulty as my comfort levels were breached. In a nutshell, it is a living, breathing thing and it grows accordingly. If your training is like mine, you will be taught blind faith, trust, obedience, discipline and a wealth of other things, starting online but eventually leading to an amazing sexual awakening. Even though all of these things are taught in safety and even though you will never be asked to give or do something you don’t wish to do, it helps to remember that you will not be in control of any aspect of the training itself. And it's frightening. Of course ultimately, you have control: Always, you can choose ‘to do or not to do.’ We must choose—and in a way the fact that you always choose to obey is even more frightening! Once you submit to training, then what happens next will not be in your control and you can always choose to learn or not to learn. It is always your choice whether to engage in this instruction or not.”

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This page reviewed and edited July 2008.