The Submissive Wife

The Submissive Wife’s 20 Answers

I’m a man, but I want to help you to train my wife. Is that possible?

Often women join this project at the initial behest of their husbands. Many men seek this out for their wives because they want a more balanced relationship, and find, for a variety of very valid reasons, that it’s more effective for someone outside the marriage to provide guidance like this. It is nevertheless impossible to gain usefulness from this Project unless there is a clear desire for formation on her part. No matter how much you may wish this for your wife or lover, she will gain little from it, and our small resources will be wasted, if the desire for formation is not hers entirely, no matter how she discovered the need for it.

The biggest problem is not in providing formation to occasionally ambivalent wives. The biggest problem is keeping a solicitous husband from interfering with the process of formation. Even being aware that his wife is being instructed changes the process, since a man begins responding to what he sees as the behaviors associated with his wife’s instruction instead of the deeper, more profound, if subtle, changes this instruction brings. If you are considering this experience for your wife, please understand how much strength and discipline this will require of you not just during her formation but in guiding the relationship subsequently. In many respects the most helpful thing you can do for your wife or lover is to be aware of the heavy responsibility that comes with dominance in a relationship and to nurture that responsibility in a way that doesn’t confuse it with controlling behavior or with a lack of respect or with any other characteristics a woman might associate with weakness and thus cause her to be unsure of her wisdom and safety in offering you her self.

Joint training is virtually impossible, since the basis of this instruction is obedience. Trying to satisfy two different demands for obedience can only lead to conflict and confusion. It’s very difficult for a husband to set aside his own best interests, even in favor of his wife. Yet, that is exactly what must be done if this experience is to have a useful conclusion. For monitors, this project is never the basis for a romance, a flirtation, an online affair or anything similar.

rachel: “Now i know why you’re always saying, ‘If you send your wife, wait outside.’”

H.D.: “When I suggested to my wife that she contact you, I thought maybe you could help her get our sex life back on track, and you did, but I made a mistake by getting in the middle of it and I realize that meant a lot more of your time was spent on this. I think trying to be involved in this made it a lot harder for you to give me what I think she wanted and what we both needed. So I am writing to offer my apology and ask you if you can continue with her.”

Rich: “Wow, I have to admit it took some getting used to. But we have always been an open couple, willing to experiment and such. I think we’ve now found each other. This has taken us both where we want to be. I think our days of searching are over at last.”

Jon: “I sent her to you to get her to open up, get a little crazy with me sometimes. Now I guess I’m looking to you to help me bring her down to earth a little bit?”

maryvonne: “He couldn’t stand not knowing all about this, even though it was his idea in the first place. I wish I had found you on my own now. But I am glad I found you at all.”

T. K.: “My wife and I want to thank you for what you have done for our marriage. It took a lot for me to accept this, but I can say I am glad that I did now. I only wish there were a way to discuss this with friends. But the guys and gals we know would be horrified, even though I fully expect most of them to be divorced soon.”

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Reviewed December 2004.