The
Submissive Wife’s 20 Answers
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2 |
How will this affect my marriage?
An
argument can be made that relationships that enjoy a careful balance between
instinctively submissive and instinctively dominant partners are responding to
the demands of a natural law, one that dictates that complementary distinctions
are to be treasured and enjoyed. Finding and nurturing those instincts is a
primary preoccupation of this project.
Our
conviction is that women define men both generally and individually. Therefore,
the dynamics of a healthy 
marriage are determined by the wisdom a woman brings to her
primary relationship. By understanding her submissive instincts clearly, and by
being attentive to her role only—and without trying to manipulate a comforting
response in her lover—a woman may find that eventually her partner’s own
dominant instincts may be awakened to an extent that allows for the kind of
balance that a healthy relationship demands. Husbands, grown passive in their
marriage and suffering the consequences of living in an androgynous culture,
may indeed come to engage their own roles and responsibilities with growing
passion. This change may come slowly at first, but even those small, initial
responses by a husband to his wife’s expectations may seem dramatic compared to
the repetitive pattern of passivity that preceded them.
Some
aspects of the process are more predictable, of course.
Dignity is essential. Submission is not subservience, just as dominance is
not abuse, bullying or controlling. Both roles must be seen in the context of
mutual respect.
Trust and responsibility matter. The trust that a submissive
woman invests in her husband, and the awesome responsibilities that come with
accepting the surrender of a wife are useful elements in rebuilding a
relationship in which roles have been blurred and passions extinguished.
Good girls make great lovers. And of course they make
their husbands and boyfriends better lovers, too.
anne: “Here’s what i discovered: over time the knowledge you will
learn though this guidance and instruction will help strengthen the bond you
have with your husband, your children, your friends, and all others you
encounter in your life—including yourself. And it is all done while protecting
you and your family from the potential harms that can arise from searching for
that which you may feel is ‘missing’ from your life at this moment. Discovering
one’s instincts is often quite a difficult thing to do. Mostly because it
requires that we trust ourselves and those around us to actually do what it is
in our nature to do. Everyday life and the stresses of living in today's
society are often so blinding that we end up lost and in a spiral of confusion
before we even know it has happened. It took time for me to climb back out and
stop the spinning. It takes time to learn about who and what we are. (And it
really is a knowledge that grows throughout our lives.) And it takes time to
learn the difference between what our needs and wants clearly are. [This
instruction] simply doesn’t respond to my many ‘wants’, for example. Instead, i
am given what is necessary to meet my needs. Maybe this will be true for
you, too. We are all similar yet unique—and this training is as individual as
we each are. But the goal is always to bring more peace and balance to
marriages and lives. i do know that this saved my marriage and i know that i am
not the only one who was helped that way. It also brought great pleasure to my
husband, who couldn’t be happier.”
e.: “Okay, bottom line: This saved my marriage and maybe my life.
When I [started this], I had been married four years. I was doing drugs and
having lots of affairs and my husband was not at all emotionally involved with
me. Two years with [this] gave us our first baby, and by then my husband was
definitely becoming the one in charge of our marriage. Now we have two children
and I can’t even imagine that I ever was the way I was when I first asked for
help. I am a totally different person. Thank you for letting me say this.”
annick: “i am only married now because of [this]. i am sure
my marriage would not have survived what i was doing to it.”
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This
page reviewed and edited December 2004.