The Submissive Wife

The Submissive Wife’s 20 Answers

I heard about you from another woman. I know I need instruction, but will I have to do what she is doing? I'm not sure I could.

We have no interest in convincing anyone to do anything. If you feel you need this approach to formation, you should also remember that we are all volunteers and that with respect none of us feel any need at all to provide it to you. We are pleased to discuss this process with others (after all, that’s why we built this site!) and exchange information about it, but to anyone who is not involved in this, it’s important to note that you don’t have to do anything. Recruitment is not at all the reason for this site.

An understanding of our voluntary obedience colours our experiences here and so the fact of our fundamental volition is kept always present by those of us who participate in the Project. No matter how difficult our disciplines are and how trying it may be to meet those disciplines with obedience, we often remind one another that we do what we do because we have not only realised our needs but also our gratification in participating in this process. Perservering with disciplines voluntarily leads us ultimately to understand, cherish and nurture our own sense of submission. Thus, disciplines are always seen by us as opportunities for obedience, and obedience is always seen by us as opportunities for satisfaction, esteem and of course pleasure.

anne: “Many women have found that they have benefited greatly from this instruction and guidance; and many women in the future may find that they benefit as well (and yes, i am jealous of some of them sometimes!). But, again, even though some of what is asked may be similar, it is all quite unique and individual in the way it affects us, and that in turn takes the instruction in a new direction, one that is different for you. Also even to assume that you will be required to do exactly the same things that another woman’s training required of her would be a mistake. Everyone has different obstacles that they face. Meaning, we all have different things that instill fear and different pasts, presents and futures. And we all learn at different rates and times. So, just as my training is unique to me, your training will be unique to you and especially for you—but it will not be dictated by you. Remember, you are not the instructor here...you are the student. your monitor may push you to your limits and beyond, and you will face things you might not enjoy facing—but it will all be for you and unique to you. So, don't expect your training to mirror that of another’s.”

rachel: “Sometimes i look at myself and what i am doing and say, ‘Omigod! i asked for this!’ Honestly, believe it or not it is quite pleasing to be obedient—and even more pleasing to be obedient because i desperately need to be obedient. The question for me at least at first was who is going to want to be responsible for my obedience? How else would i have found this opportunity for that kind of pleasure?”

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This page reviewed and edited December 2004.