Disciplines | Notes on Goals and Time Management
as an Aspect of Self-Discipline
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O |
ne of the most common problems faced by women today
is being overwhelmed by demands from a wide variety of sources that together conspire
to make discipline a luxury and obedience a distant dream. Yet without
discipline and obedience, submission remains a mere sentiment and a goal
impossible to reach, let alone being understood well enough to provide a useful
way of life.
One of our number, kate, kindly offered to
contribute her notes on how to manage resources and reach goals. This has been
prepared for use members of the Internal Disciplines forum community but they
obviously have a wider application. Here they are:
Goal and Time Management
ntroduction. Sometimes we set goals as
members of a group, sometimes they are self-imposed and sometimes, as in the
case of monitored members or project participants, they are set for us. As this
forum is about internal discipline, the focus of this article is self-imposed
goals; team dynamics have not been included.
You might have come across these tools in the past.
Please do read through though, as I have adapted them quite specifically in several
places for the unique uses of our community.
Most of us have little tricks that we use to achieve
our goals. Each of those tips or tricks are valuable and the purpose here is
simply to add to our repertoire! Continue to use those tricks to help achieve
your goals – in fact, sharing those tricks (coping skills!) with each other
would be a way to add value to the Internal Disciplines forum.
I am not an expert on these topics in any way, shape
or form. What is presented here is comes from reading I have done, courses I
have taken and one of the hardest teachers of them all: life. One thing I do
know – they work for me and it is my hope that some of these things can work
for you.
The ultimate aim of this article is to help each of
us to find ways to access greater success in achieving our goals. I have broken
this topic down into several topics. Simply click on any of the menu
items below.
§
An Example of the SMART Plan at Work
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ttitudes Around Your Goals. Achieving goals, time
management and stress management are highly integrated, in my humble opinion.
When I am able to get the three to work together, I achieve much inner peace and
a heightened sense of well being. This generally allows me to achieve more in
my work and the process becomes a positive, empowering, and upward spiral of
achievement.
When one of the goal, time or stress pillars gets
out of whack, the other two are severely imbalanced. I can end up flummoxed by
problems that seem insurmountable. Often that makes the problem worse and I
become stressed. This further inhibits my ability to accomplish and – guess
what? I end up creating more problems. I loose motivation or my performance
declines. Mistakes occur and I end up focusing on my faults and the process
becomes a very negative, imprisoning, downward spiral of failure.
For me, setting good goals helps me maintain my
self-imposed internal disciplines. Further, since I began this journey I have
used these tools to assist me with other assigned disciplines. Good goals can
help us achieve our obedience and accountability. But why is it that some goals
remain seemingly unattainable while others are achieved easily?
To answer that, we have to ask a question: What
makes us set a goal? Goals generally arise from a recognition that something
requires change. A fuzzy idea that “somehow, this would be better if…” or “I
would be saving time if….” Goals seem needed when we sense there is room for
improvement in one aspect or another of our lives.
aking good goals. A goal can be applied to
tasks that are on going in our lives: a change in the way we accomplish a task
or a change in the importance rating of a task. Goals can also be a new task
that we are adding to our life or a “one off” project or task that, once
achieved, does not need to be repeated. Regardless of how the needs for change
arises there are certain factors about goals that remain constant:
§
A goal generally arises from our desire to achieve a positive
outcome.
From getting on top of a problem, to changing destructive behaviour, a goal is
often set when we see a different outcome to a situation than the one we
currently experience.
§
A goal generally gives us a sense of purpose.
§
Good goals usually meet with success.
§
Bad goals often result in failure.
What separates a good goal from a bad one? Whether
or not you envision success and how important it really is to you. One critical
factor in whether or not you successfully conclude a goal is the amount of
thought or planning you put into it and how you describe it to yourself.
Another is how realistic your expectations are. Perfectionists have great
difficulty meeting even modest goals because their expectations are not
realistic.
MART Goals. I came across this technique
in October 1997 when I was taking a Leadership course. I cannot give credit for
this, as I have no idea who originally came up with the idea. I like this
system for writing goals because it’s so practical!
I’ll use weight loss as an example of a goal, since
that is one a lot of us are struggling with. When you are setting goals for
yourself, you need to be smart and the goals need to be smart. And “smart” in this case means:
S Specific
T Tangible
Click on a SMART word to take you to that part of
the SMART plan.
I can hear the groans! The world is full of Snappy
Acronyms Like This (SALT) and personally I dislike most of them because they
feel contrived. Regardless of whether or not you buy into memory tricks like
this, if you can quantify a goal in smart parameters like these, you will more
likely be able to achieve it.
Quantifying the anticipated outcome, the conditions
and standards under which you expect to achieve the goal forces you to analyze
your goal. A well-analyzed goal is one you truly know and will already have
thoughts on how to achieve. Further, a well-analyzed goal will highlight some
truths: is this the real issue, is this more than one issue, is this a good
option for achieving it?
Being specific helps you write the goal. The goal
should address these issues:
§
Who
is involved?
For our purposes here, you. Clearly other goals, in other contexts, would
involve others who would need to be named.
§
What
is involved?
A description of the task.
§
When
will it happen?
A begin and an ending date.
§
How
will it happen?
This is your plan of action.
§
Why
will it happen?
Exactly what you expect to achieve by accomplishing the goal. Often, this is a
reward.
Specifics make a fuzzy idea into a goal: I (who)
want to loose weight (what). Most people can lose weight, but without the
specifics, how will you know when you have succeeded?
Example: The SMART goal: I (who) will loose 21
pounds (what) beginning tomorrow and ending [date X weeks in the future*]
(when). To achieve this, I will follow the prescribed diet [pick your source]
and follow the exercise routine outlined in [pick your source] (how). I am
choosing to do this as it is a healthy lifestyle choice, it tests my self
discipline, but most importantly, it will help me connect to my femininity
(why).
*Assuming a loss of 1-2 pounds per week, generally
considered a healthy rate.
Take a close look at the language used in second
goal. The language is crisp, action oriented and couched in positive, owned
statements. The words themselves are measured. Whoever wrote this goal is
setting themselves up for success through a very specific definition of the
goal.
Having defined your goal, now you need to test it.
Without making measurable parameters, you won’t know
how close you are to reaching your goal. While the Submissive Wife project’s
principles stress that understanding must follow experience (thus rendering
measurements irrelevant), in the process of setting conventional goals, or in trying
to set goals outside the aims of the project, measurability is essential.
Why? Because success with a goal is often built in
blocks or steps that rest upon each other. You can’t move forward until a
block, or step, is achieved. In order to keep on track of where you are in
relation to your whole goal, it is a good idea to plan markers throughout the
timeframe. When you reach a marker, you assess your achievement and you will
know if you are on track or not. Granted, weight loss is highly measurable! But,
you wouldn’t leave weighing yourself until week 10 because if you haven’t lost
19 pounds at that point you are not going to achieve your goal. So instead, a
good idea would be to weigh yourself regularly with a plan in mind.
Example: Here is a SMART goal measurement: By the
end of week 2, I plan to have lost 3 pounds, by the end of week 3, I plan to
have lost 4.5 pounds, etc.
This series of checkpoints allows you to see if you
are on track. The markers should be close enough that they allow you to correct
yourself if you are not making the progress you wish. When you measure your
progress, and your find you are on track, you will experience a sense of
fulfillment that can inspire you to not only continue, but perhaps to achieve
even better your stated goal.
If, however, you only loose 1.5 pounds by the end of
week 2, you know you need to exercise more, eat less or ensure that you are
weighing yourself at the same time daily. But a weight loss of 4.5 pounds at
the end of week 3 establishes a trend. (Long-term use of the project’s Basic
Diet uses a different accountability schedule.)
That leads into the next test of your goal. What
mini steps can you do to make your goal?
When you identify a need for change in an area of
your life, you have likely begun to generate ideas on how to achieve those
changes. You wrote a specific goal, now you need to plan exactly how to achieve
it. Start by capturing all those ideas you have. I use just a simple list, but
by writing them down I don’t overlook possibilities. The key to generating that
list, however, is do not inhibit or judge yourself while writing the list.
Write down every idea that enters your head.
Start with a clean piece of paper, a quiet space, a
pencil and a timer set for 2 or 3 minutes and a question: What are ways I can
achieve this goal?
When you press the timer start button, start writing
and do not take the pencil (or pen) off the paper until the bell goes. Do not stop
writing. Write every idea you have that would enable you to achieve your goal.
Do not stop to think about things even though you may be aware that some of
what you are writing is silly or just not you. Time enough for that later! What
you are trying to do here is generate ideas. When you let them, ideas come
fairly quickly.
When the buzzer goes, finish writing whatever
thought you were on and sit back.
Now you can judge your list! Be brutally honest.
What on there is something that you just know you will not do? Cross them out.
They have served their purpose though, as they likely helped you think of other
ways. There is no sense in promising to do something that you know you just
never will. On the other hand, you may wish to stretch yourself by promising to
achieve 1 thing you would not otherwise have considered. Add any comments to
encourage yourself, those are encouraged here!
An achievable plan to help me loose weight list,
might look something like this:
§
exercise 45 minutes every
day at lunch at whatever time I can but lunch when possible
§
20 minutes aerobics 3 times
a week. To be included in the 45
§
I will eat cake at my
birthday party (a small slice) but will otherwise stick to my diet. Otherwise I
will feel depraved deprived
§
walk up 2 flights of stairs
at the office at every opportunity, every day. Easy!
§
walk down 3 flights of
stairs every day at every opportunity. Easy!
§
never eat after 7:00 pm at
night I will have to carefully monitor this one!
§
eliminate margarine and use
mustard instead on my sandwiches
§
walk to the next bus stop on
my way home not the closest one weather permitting Easy!
§
Eliminate sugar from my
coffee cut my sugar back to included in every other coffee or make the rule NO
coffee
§
I will not exercise on
Sundays if I have religiously exercised during the week. Dangerous! I might
never go back to exercising!
§
Tell my
[friend/mentor/mother/sister] to ask me for progress reports This help keep my
focus
Enough, I think, of an example. OK, time to move to the
next test of your goal.
This would appear to be somewhat self evident. But,
in truth, this is where you must examine a goal to determine if it can truly be
accomplished and if it can truly be accomplished within the parameters
you have set.
Honesty is what this step is about. You have already
invested much thought in your goal. You’ve eliminated possible pitfalls; you have
crystallized your thinking from fuzzy idea to staccato process. So this is kind
of a last chance step. Rather like asking someone three times, “Are you OK?”
The first two times you ask, you might get “Uh huh.” but on the third time,
when they realize you are serious, you’ll get a real answer.
I have no “hands on” to achieve this step, except to
say - use your transparency and courage. Transparency will help you decide,
finally, if your goal is realistic. Courage comes in to play with the
implementation of your decision. This relates, directly for me, back to the
prayer (which I am likely misquoting):
Grant me the courage
To change the things I can
To accept the things I cannot change
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Which is what we are all trying for any way. Does
anyone have any concrete suggestions on how to be more realistic with goals?
This one is fun! This involves your arousal! And
arousal is about our senses, isn’t it? (little giggle). Your arousal with life
and love! That splendid force that helps you taste, touch, smell, see, hear,
emote about everything AND your goal. Our senses are how we interpret the
world. So, when we can experience a goal as a sense, the goal becomes highly
achievable.
By gosh, golly and hard work, you have arrived at a
goal that will probably be successful if you can answer the question, does your
goal have a sense attached to it? With this step, the achievement of the goal
already lives in you, as you know what it will feel like. Tie your goal to a
living sense and success will follow.
§
Taste
your weight loss goal as you bite into that bright green crispy lettuce.
§
Touch
your weight loss goal by running your hands over yourself as you loose weight.
§
Smell
your weight loss goal as you inhale the scent of an orange as you peel it.
§
See
your weight loss goal in looser clothing.
§
Hear
your weight loss goal in the voices of friends, “You loosing some weight there,
girl?”
§
Emote
your weight loss goal as you embrace your arousal when you step out of your
clothes with pride.
n Example of the SMART plan
at work. Here is my actual weight loss goal:
§
I will loose 10 pounds starting on Monday March 7 by April 10.
§
I will achieve a late in the day (as opposed to first thing in
the AM) weight of 136 pounds.
§
I will achieve this by doing 40 minutes brisk dog walking daily,
30 minutes hard kayaking 4 times a week, 30 minutes hard upper body workout at
the gym (can’t be avoided) 3 times a week and 20 minutes Tai Chi in the
mornings.
§
I will eat sensibly and avoid wine for the (gasp!) entire time.
§
I will not eat any sweets and will increase my fruit and vegetable
servings to 8 per day.
§
I will employ the days between now and then to mentally gear up,
clear out the bad stuff (like cookies), and get my exercise equipment dusted
off. I will record all of my progress on my calendar.
§
On achieving this goal, I will buy summer dresses (I only have
one so this is a needed reward!)
Specific? Yes
Measurable? Yes, daily measurements, weekly markers
of 2 lbs on Mondays
Achievable? Yes, careful monitoring of self re gym
and upper body work
Realistic? Yes, it is a safe and healthy regime
Tangible? Oh yes, I feel sexier already!
Whew! Wait—there’s more!
I can set a goal by all these parameters and I will
likely achieve the goals by writing them this way.
ong-term Goals. What about a tangible but long-term goal (not just a one off
goal)? What about internal goals? Well, use the same tools but change
slightly the way you apply them.
With ongoing goals, I write a second goal that will
show me ways to accomplish the tong term maintenance aspect. At the same time I
write my fudge factors, the little ‘lets’ that I will permit myself so I don’t
feel I am missing out on anything.
For example, losing the 10 pounds is in fact an
on-going goal as well as a building block in the larger goal of a generally
healthier way of living. Clearly with all these new dresses, I want to be able
to wear them! So a long-term maintenance weight goal might read like this:
§
I will stay at 136 pounds (end of day weight) for the next 9
months ending 31 December 2006.
§
I will accomplish this by continuing to consume 2 litres water
daily, drinking green tea in the evenings, increasing my fruit and vegetable
intake to a minimum of 5 servings daily, continuing to eat more turkey and
fish.
§
I will exercise in the kayak 5 times a week and will continue
with the Tai Chi in the mornings.
§
I can have 1 sweet thing (like cheesecake) 2 times a month if it
is made with no fat or low fat ingredients, otherwise only once a month.
§
I will record all of this on my calendar in order to monitor
myself. I will find ways to achieve this to the best of my ability while on
vacation, on course later this summer. There may be times when I put on a
little weight,
§
I will not allow myself to get above 138 pounds and should this
happen, I will revert to the principles of the original goal until I am back
down to 136 pounds.
What’s different? A long-term maintenance goal is
not as specific as the 10-pound promise. Quite frankly, I couldn’t keep the
original regime up. I would fail. The language used here is still crisp and
still uses positive, owned statements. But the definitions are more general
than specific, “in the evenings” as opposed to “daily”, or “increase intake to
a minimum of” as opposed to a specific daily number.
Also included are the “fudge factors”, the little
lets that I will permit myself knowing that these will make the long term
maintenance realistic. “Elastic but reasonable” lets are necessary in real
life! So, is the long term goal a SMART one?
Specific? Yes.
Measurable? Yes as it will be recorded in my
calendar, I weigh myself daily.
Achievable? Yes, there is maneuverability within the
goal.
Realistic? Yes, I cannot do without sweets altogether
but honey on toast is not included for the immunity it imparts! So honey on
toast is 4 times a week
Tangible? Yes, I was 136 pounds last summer and it
felt marvelous. I just need to remind myself of that.
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easuring Long-term Goals. Internal goals are a little
tougher but can be made achievable using these tools if you find a tangible way
to measure them. One way I have found to accomplish this is to watch what is
currently happening for a period of time and record how many times I do
something or not do something so that I have a way to measure future
performance.
This is an example, not a real goal. In reality I
nag much more that this—kidding!
Fuzzy idea: I want to stop nagging my hubby.
SMART goal: I noticed last week that I nagged my
husband 11 times in 7 days. I will not nag my husband once in the next seven
days beginning tomorrow. If I need to remind him of something, I will use words
such as, “were you able to” or “ Do you know anything about”. Further, I will
not convey anger or frustration or a lack of respect in my words, my voice tone
or my body language. If I feel I am going to fail, I promise I will leave the
room until I can face the situation without the anger or frustration – even if
that means leaving the situation for another day. I will record the number of
times I am successful in my calendar. I want to do this for personal growth, a
step towards my submission.
Specific?
Who: me
What: will not nag
When: 7 days, beginning tomorrow
How: changing the words I use, monitoring voice tone
and body language
Why: personal growth
Is the goal measurable? Yes success can be counted
if I don’t nag even once but success can also be counted in 11 improvements
over last week! Further, recording non nagging events will give me a number at
the end of the week with which to congratulate myself and incorporate into the
next nagging goal.
Is the goal achievable? Yes, my plan of action is
counter to what I am doing at the moment. I can also avoid known pitfalls for
the next week until I have some practise at biting my tongue! What it really
comes down to is my commitment.
Is the goal realistic? Yes, if I use my tangibles to
assist me
Is the goal tangible? Yes, if I use my arousal to
shield me and to help me express tenderness. Further achieving this goal will
make me feel that I am improving and that I am working on my larger goal of
submission.
onclusion. I offered to write this
because I know it works! Also, if we use the suggestion of a public goal
repository on our community’s website—and especially in the Internal
Disciplines forum—we have the ability to use the same criteria for writing our
goals. That will make support and congratulations more specific and
appropriate.
It is hard in the beginning but they get easier to
write with practice! But if you are really stuck, posting a difficulty with a
goal and a request for assistance will generate lots of help I’m sure. But I
also offer assistance via a PM.
Time might fly, but you are the navigator!
Good luck!
—kate
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